open ended questions

Recently I had an opportunity to pray with someone who has had a particularly rough life. Without revealing personal information, let’s just say he journeyed though just about every low spot the human experience could touch on. Before I prayed for him, I asked him, “If you could ask God one question, what would it be?”

His first reaction was much like Christopher Lloyd’s character from the old TV series “Taxi.” “Whoaaaaaa!” I like to call them “Jim Ignatowski” moments. He was at a loss for words . . . briefly. Then, he blurted, “I do have a question, . . . ‘God, what did you expect of me?’”

Wow! Did I ask for it! What a deep question! What potential for assumptions buried in that question:

Was there a sense that whatever he perceives those expectations were, he has not achieved them?

Was there a sense of failure?

Was there a sense of past tense and completion: that there is an irreversible finality to something in his mind?

Was there a sense that there is no chance of reconciling whatever is broken or dysfunctional?

Yet the question itself affirms the man’s willingness to talk: a willingness to hear God.

Of course my first instinct was to start spewing scripture to ”encourage” him. Instead, I complimented him for the deep thought and said I’d like to talk about that next time. (I generally see him 2 times a month).

It’s on occasions like this that most of us want to blurt out what we think God would say. My instincts tell me that would be disastrous with this chap. He was probably thinking in his mind, “you’re gonna tell me all the things I already know I have done wrong, make me feel worse than I already do about myself and tell me I need to get down on my knees, repent, and be saved.” He is in a place spiritually and emotionally that is very resistant to listen to someone with a spiritual agenda. He requires trust and credibility and they take a long time to be established.

There is a journey I suspect that this man still has to travel before he is ready to hear answers. Call it a defiance disorder if you like, but I know for sure a person like him knows a person like me has not seen all the things he’s seen so there is almost an unspoken disqualification of anything I might offer. I haven’t “walked the walk” with him. This guy doesn’t need Captain Obvious preaching to him. He simply needs someone to listen, make reflective statements to him and assist him in externalizing and verbalizing his beliefs about himself and God. One would want to be careful not to use phrases like “ you need to . . .” “you ought to . . . .” or, “you should . . . .”

So what did I do? Well I prayed for him, I lifted his prayer requests and also asked God to answer his question for him. Then I walked away . . . so tempted to answer his questions, but I just walked away. As it turns out, the circumstances that brought us together a couple times a month were removed and that was the last time I saw this man, at least for a while.

Some people reading this might say, “Bob, you didn’t lead this guy through the Sinner’s Prayer or show him the Roman Road. You left this guy hanging!” Absolutely correct. I did not and I would not do either of those things and I sure did leave him hanging.

Why? Because I believe God is not a helpless buffoon who can’t get the job done without our help. He is capable, self sufficient; omnipotent and almighty. He invites us to join Him in what He is doing but He is very capable of getting the job done Himself. I realized my role for the day and then stepped out of the way. Can’t God bring someone else along side to help? I believe God will provide opportunity and circumstance for this man to truly get his question answered if he truly wants an answer.

So what about you? Do you ever ask people open-ended questions about spirituality?

Can you ask them in a way that causes them to think deeply and are you okay if you don’t have an answer for them?

I’d love to hear some of the questions that you all ask!

Please feel free to leave them as a comment!